


Fetch

by Missy



Category: Army of Darkness (1992), Evil Dead (Movies), Evil Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dog Fostering, Dogs, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 01:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7386088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ash knows he's doomed when his wife makes him take a pet CPR course.</p><p>The animals they foster are just a minor annoyance to him - until one of them isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fetch

The first one was a schipperke Sheila found wandering by the roadside, whimpering and cold. She forced Ash to pull the car over and sat with the pup in her lap the whole way to the shelter, enjoying muddy paw prints and eager dog kisses until they could turn it over to professionals.

Ash should have seen trouble ahead when she picked up a handful of brochures about volunteering to become a foster care provider. She made him come along to the important classes and he stood at the back of the room leaning against the wall, pretending to pay attention as they explained washing, walking and training procedures. Hey, he’d had pets as a kid! He totally knew how to take care of animals and they’d all lived long, natural lives, except for Lucky the Turtle, who was eaten by Sylvia the cat. 

So when Sheila came home with a glass tank of hamsters, one golden-furred yorkie and a one-eyed cat, Ash told himself he could handle it.

How could he have known it was just the beginning?

** 

He didn’t mind the extra eyes on them when they knocked boots. He didn’t mind the extra walks that left him exposed to Deadite attacks (turned out Deadites didn’t like dogs. In fact, they were sort of afraid of them). What he did mind was when they would crawl onto his bed in the middle of the night and stare at him as if they expected something out of him. 

It reminded him of being in the woods and having THEM and their creepy eyes staring up at him.

He learned that cat and dog alike would follow a balled-up sock if he pitched it off of the bed. Unlike a Deadite.

*** 

 

“I swear,” Ash said, staring at the three-legged Scottie Sheila had brought home to recuperate, “you’d take in a dolphin if our lease would let you.”

Sheila shrugged. “I am simply giving back in kindness to the animal kingdom,” she said.

Ash chuckled. “What have they ever done for us?”

“Does thou not remember thy noble steed? The one who carried thee at great risk to safety upon its back?”

Huh. Well, when she put it that way…

**** 

The wiener dog was missing its front paw, but it could hop along like a little red-brown kangaroo. It was tough and hardy and smart and took its training quite well. It liked Ash a lot, snuffling at his feet when he came through the front door, sitting at his knee when he was distressed, and Sheila cooked it chops and enjoyed its doting, slovenly love.

“Would you like to keep him?” Sheila asked, when its mange healed and the agency noticed how attached to Sheila the dog had become.

Ash sighed. “If we do, it’s on you.”

They named him Biff, and he became an excellent Deadite hunter. Once retrieved a full-sized demonling with big, white, sharp teeth. Ash loved that dog – but he wasn’t about to admit it.


End file.
